Thursday, September 28, 2006

Tuna Time

I don't know whether Dick McPherson had weekly press conferences when he was head coach of the Patriots. I do know when Bill Parcells succeeded McPherson in 1993, his sessions with the press immediately became appointment radio. Each week we wondered how long the Boston Globe's Ron Borges could poke The Tuna with a stick before the coach lashed back with "That's a STUPID question!"

Thirteen years later, Parcells is still battling it out with the press, and the reporters do their part by continuing to poke him with sticks. Yesterday's scheduled press conference with the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys happened to come the day after the most bizarre incident yet involving The Player, and The Tuna responded with a slightly subpar performance capped off with a flashy dismount. He tried to get though the media frenzy by giving evasive non-answers, but after nine minutes of inane, repetitive questions he finally ending it the way he should have ended it much earlier.

"When I find out what the hell is going on, you will know," The Tuna snapped as he set sail for the exit. "Until then, I am not getting interrogated for no reason."

While I was driving home last night, one of the update guys on ESPN Radio came up with the following: "TO's status for this weekend's game at Tennessee has been updated from 'Suicidal' to 'Probable.'" I started laughing so hard that I nearly drove off the road.

I felt a twinge of shame for laughing at such a tasteless and gratuitous remark, and my sense of revulsion apparently is quite a bit higher than all the folks who helped Jackass II top the box office charts last week. But I'm not going to apologize for celebrating a good Tuna Tirade. Tuna, please never change.

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